The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
