eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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