We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
