All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
