I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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