New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
