The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
