im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
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