when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
