I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
