I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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