If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
