My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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