I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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