that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's shark week go big or go home
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
