It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
