You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
