I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
