in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
