We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize