How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
