Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
