I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
