The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
