you traded sex for a burrito?
it was like eating out sand paper
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
