So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
