if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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