So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
