The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
