I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So much Jack, so little girl.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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