She announced her abortion via fbk
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
