Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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