well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
