Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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