I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He keeps bees of course he's weird
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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