theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
They took my balls.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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