in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
