I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
