My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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