Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
