i was born a porn star she said
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Bring me that man meat
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
