Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Enjoy the penises
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
