I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
