My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
