I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
