yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
