Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
