It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
