A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
