im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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