Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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