we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
