What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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