This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
