??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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