I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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