So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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