I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
