AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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