You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
