I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
