Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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