I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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