if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize