My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
