Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
