Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Help. Why am I so naked?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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