So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Randomize
