Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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